Hi there, internet. How’s it going? Had a good week?
I’m just going to put it out there right now that this post is, once again, sadly, about food/fat/my weight/etc. If you’re over it (and I don’t blame you if you are) you can go ahead and click away now. Or scroll down to the Friday quiz, which I still plan to do.
I sort of agonize whether to post here about weight loss because it is just at a point now that it’s just so embarrassing. And why would I voluntarily tell you things that make me feel weak and vulnerable and embarrassed? But I have decided to anyway, because I spend a lot of time thinking about it and then when I come here to write and have to purposely write about what my mind is not thinking about the result is just sort of pathetic and empty. And also because I made a commitment to write this blog for me as a reflection of what I think about and if I can’t even be honest with myself, then oh my God, we got trouble right here in River City. And also, because I recently read an article from a woman who used to think about food the way that I do now (and I can’t link to it, cause I can’t find it anymore), and reading that article made me feel so understood and normal and I was just really so so grateful to her for it. And I have to think that her weakness and vulnerability was embarrassing for her to express too, but it had such a profound impact on my life. And you know, pay it forward and all that.
So, the thing is, I have again failed at a diet. I’m sure, if you’ve been reading for a while, is not a big shock to you. Every time I fail at a diet, it is depressing to me. But this time, I feel like even more of a failure than usual.Why? Because not only did I share my plan here, but several readers have since told me that my plan inspired them to a plan of their own. And each of those readers has lost a significant amount of weight. And I have not. And I’m really glad that something I wrote helped someone in that way, even if just a little. But the fact that I can’t seem to wrap my own brain around what I say? That’s mortifying.
But as we know, I am not one to give up easily. Even when mortified, depressed, and feeling like a failure. And I am 100% about being open and honest and vulnerable, even if I look sort of like a dumbass in the process. So, here I am fessing up and telling you about my plan… what are we on now, Plan X?
So, I got two books by the author of that article. And I only just started them. And while her guidelines seem like obvious common-sense, they are sort of mind-blowing to me. I can’t believe that they will actually work, you know?
At the moment, the only goal I am working on is to only eat when I am hungry. Which probably seems really obvious to all of you, doesn’t it? But it’s not how I usually do it, you know? Hunger has little to do with when I eat. Which means, I haven’t had anything to eat today because I am not yet hungry. And that is blowing my mind and making me really uncomfortable and anxious and wonder if I will ever be hungry again THE TERROR.
And these thoughts are making me realize that my problem is something entirely else than needing to drop a few pounds.
So to sum up, mortified, depressed, vulnerable, shocked. That’s me. How you feeling today?
And with that, let’s Friday Quiz. And people, more than any kind supportive words you might have for me or encouragement that I am so purty and all that, it would make me feel really normal and awesome if you would participate in today’s Friday quiz instead.
1. In the spirit of my post, why don’t you tell us all one thing about yourself that makes you feel a wee bit vulnerable.
God. You can’t get blood from a stone.
2. Snoopy. Yes or no?
Is this blasphemy to say that Snoopy annoys the shit out of me? Cause he does. I love all the other Peanuts characters, but his whole aviator thing is so incredibly boring. My kids, however, have started to love Snoopy. Henry asks me all the time “Where my Soopy?” And I lie and say, “I have no idea what you’re saying.” Not really, but it’d be cool if I could. Because, as stated before, Snoopy is lame.
3. What was the best Halloween costume you saw this week?
4. Worst haircut you’ve ever had.
The one right before senior pictures when I had them cut my below shoulder length very curly hair into a pixie cut, which really just ended up looking like this. (Though less orange.)
5. Tell us one fun thing you plan to do on Saturday.
I would really like to go to the Weed Ladies Winter Floral Sale. Oh my God. Who am I?
Happy weekending, friends. Here’s to peaceful, easy feelings.