Hi there, internet. How’s it going? Had a good week?
I’m just going to put it out there right now that this post is, once again, sadly, about food/fat/my weight/etc. If you’re over it (and I don’t blame you if you are) you can go ahead and click away now. Or scroll down to the Friday quiz, which I still plan to do.
I sort of agonize whether to post here about weight loss because it is just at a point now that it’s just so embarrassing. And why would I voluntarily tell you things that make me feel weak and vulnerable and embarrassed? But I have decided to anyway, because I spend a lot of time thinking about it and then when I come here to write and have to purposely write about what my mind is not thinking about the result is just sort of pathetic and empty. And also because I made a commitment to write this blog for me as a reflection of what I think about and if I can’t even be honest with myself, then oh my God, we got trouble right here in River City. And also, because I recently read an article from a woman who used to think about food the way that I do now (and I can’t link to it, cause I can’t find it anymore), and reading that article made me feel so understood and normal and I was just really so so grateful to her for it. And I have to think that her weakness and vulnerability was embarrassing for her to express too, but it had such a profound impact on my life. And you know, pay it forward and all that.
So, the thing is, I have again failed at a diet. I’m sure, if you’ve been reading for a while, is not a big shock to you. Every time I fail at a diet, it is depressing to me. But this time, I feel like even more of a failure than usual.Why? Because not only did I share my plan here, but several readers have since told me that my plan inspired them to a plan of their own. And each of those readers has lost a significant amount of weight. And I have not. And I’m really glad that something I wrote helped someone in that way, even if just a little. But the fact that I can’t seem to wrap my own brain around what I say? That’s mortifying.
But as we know, I am not one to give up easily. Even when mortified, depressed, and feeling like a failure. And I am 100% about being open and honest and vulnerable, even if I look sort of like a dumbass in the process. So, here I am fessing up and telling you about my plan… what are we on now, Plan X?
So, I got two books by the author of that article. And I only just started them. And while her guidelines seem like obvious common-sense, they are sort of mind-blowing to me. I can’t believe that they will actually work, you know?
At the moment, the only goal I am working on is to only eat when I am hungry. Which probably seems really obvious to all of you, doesn’t it? But it’s not how I usually do it, you know? Hunger has little to do with when I eat. Which means, I haven’t had anything to eat today because I am not yet hungry. And that is blowing my mind and making me really uncomfortable and anxious and wonder if I will ever be hungry again THE TERROR.
And these thoughts are making me realize that my problem is something entirely else than needing to drop a few pounds.
So to sum up, mortified, depressed, vulnerable, shocked. That’s me. How you feeling today?
And with that, let’s Friday Quiz. And people, more than any kind supportive words you might have for me or encouragement that I am so purty and all that, it would make me feel really normal and awesome if you would participate in today’s Friday quiz instead.
1. In the spirit of my post, why don’t you tell us all one thing about yourself that makes you feel a wee bit vulnerable.
God. You can’t get blood from a stone.
2. Snoopy. Yes or no?
Is this blasphemy to say that Snoopy annoys the shit out of me? Cause he does. I love all the other Peanuts characters, but his whole aviator thing is so incredibly boring. My kids, however, have started to love Snoopy. Henry asks me all the time “Where my Soopy?” And I lie and say, “I have no idea what you’re saying.” Not really, but it’d be cool if I could. Because, as stated before, Snoopy is lame.
3. What was the best Halloween costume you saw this week?
4. Worst haircut you’ve ever had.
The one right before senior pictures when I had them cut my below shoulder length very curly hair into a pixie cut, which really just ended up looking like this. (Though less orange.)
5. Tell us one fun thing you plan to do on Saturday.
I would really like to go to the Weed Ladies Winter Floral Sale. Oh my God. Who am I?
Happy weekending, friends. Here’s to peaceful, easy feelings.
Have you tried Livestrong.com? After trying every diet known to mankind, I finally lost 50 pounds by simply counting calories. I have another 50 to go (got sidelined because of the baby, gained 15 back, etc.) but at least this time I know how. Email me if you want more info. XOXO
1. My rack.
2. I loved the aviator thing, but really, it took too long. I mostly loved the little red-haired girl because I wanted to be her.
3. A deviled egg. It wasn’t actually on anybody; it was hanging in a costume shop. And the worst Halloween costumes I saw were the Hallowsluttime costumes of every Halloween.
4. Perm with sprayed-up bangs. This along with enormous glasses, a strange dental contraption, and a penchant for anormous sweatshirts that I only recently jettisoned from my repertoire.
5. After a long day of reading theory, I will watch Freaks and Geeks and drink wine. It’s Sunday that will be the funday.
Anormous, is it? Yep. Anormous.
And I didn’t even answer Q2 – I did like Snoopy. Esp in the great pumpkin.
Genevieve Thompson Reply:
November 5th, 2011 at 1:00 am
I think anormous should be a word. I was with you all along.
1. No.
2. I like Snoopy just fine. Last year when Kinton had chin-length red hair she was going to go as Peppermint Patty, and I would be Marcy and call her “sir” all night. Only we were really going to play up the whole dominant/submissive subtext with some accessories. Kinton already has the Birkenstocks, green T shirt, and brown shorts, and freckles – it would’ve been perfect. But she had to go out of town and now she has short dark hair so it will never happen, and the world has been deprived of our cleverness.
3. What’s with the kids in my neighborhood not even bothering to dress up? That was disappointing. The best costume I ever saw was the Gorton’s fisherman.
4. When I moved to Murray and had short hair and I got it cut and when they were done, she stepped back and said, “I guess I didn’t know how to do that. Sorry.” It was awful. I looked like Big Bird.
5. I plan to lock myself in my home and get cracking on a giant document for my consulting business, which I am sadly behind on completing. I might bathe also, but other than that, just consulting. Ugh.
1. My hair. That sounds kind of lame and vain, but it’s true.
2. NO. I don’t like Peanuts at all, actually. I almost never find it funny, and there’s often scenes that are mean, sterotyping or sexist… Mainly, though, I just don’t find the show (or Snoopy) entertaining or funny!
3. Hmm… I liked Zaryn as a bee. I also liked Josh dressed up as a cowboy with a tiny hat. Outside of my family, I liked a little baby dressed up as Dopey.
4. Oh man, definitely when I got a crimp perm. Sophomore year of high school.
5. Celebrate my anniversary by going to dinner, and spending the night in the silo/cabin where we stayed on our wedding night! Yay 7 years!
5.
Genevieve Thompson Reply:
November 5th, 2011 at 1:01 am
Is that like… a date?
From one disappointed scaler to another, one word of advise: be kind to yourself! Whatever road (diet, acceptance, etc) do it with as little judgement as you can because sister, this is hard work- and it’s not always about the weight! I also just saw this awesome article about the reasons why we should ALL love our bodies and this has kept me a bit more positive lately (especially the part about someone thinking you are hot!): http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kate-fridkis/love-your-body-day_b_1033087.html?ref=women
Genevieve Thompson Reply:
November 5th, 2011 at 1:04 am
Yes, this new book I’m reading stresses the importance of being easy on yourself. Being gentle. It’s hard. We’ll see. Thanks for the article, sweet lady.
1. In the spirit of my post, why don’t you tell us all one thing about yourself that makes you feel a wee bit vulnerable.
Moving to a new city and starting entirely from scratch.
2. Snoopy. Yes or no?
Hell yes. Snoopy is the epitome of a healthy approach to life. While Lucy tries to control, Schroeder retreats, Linus grips tightly to his blanket, and Charlie Brown spews anxiety-ridden diatribes, Snoopy simply is. And he has a kick-ass sidekick in Woodstock.
3. What was the best Halloween costume you saw this week?
I saw a Red Riding Hood with runny mascara and a forelorn look smoking a cigarette.
4. Worst haircut you’ve ever had.
I wore tiny bangs for waaaaaaaaaaaay too long.
5. Tell us one fun thing you plan to do on Saturday.
I’m going to my first acting class in LA. Talk about vulnerable.. sheesh.
Gen- I’d love to get that author’s name.
Have a great weekend, quizzers!
Genevieve Thompson Reply:
November 5th, 2011 at 1:06 am
Geneen Roth is her name. Good luck at your new class!
Genevieve Thompson Reply:
November 5th, 2011 at 1:14 am
I just did some more looking around at her stuff, and some of it is coming off really corny. But I adore the books I’ve gotten so far. If you want to know which ones I got, lemme know.
1. In the spirit of my post, why don’t you tell us all one thing about yourself that makes you feel a wee bit vulnerable.
One Thing? I can’t possibly narrow it down. Um…my weight, my compulsion to speak even as I’m shouting “Shut Up!” in my head, my failure to get cast in anything at all – even at the place where I WORK, my abysmal lack of knowledge regarding batting and other such domestic pursuits, my apparent need to harass my kid’s teacher about every little thing, my inability to leave my kids’ Halloween candy alone. Okay, that’s enough for now.
2. Snoopy. Yes or no?
No. (Charlie, Lucy, Linus: Yes. Peppermint Patty, Dust Guy, Sally: back and forth on.)
3. What was the best Halloween costume you saw this week?
We saw a kid dressed up as an ipod. It was pretty cool.
4. Worst haircut you’ve ever had.
Well, apparently I wore my hair super duper duper short for years and the only person that liked it was me. So, um…maybe that one. Now hair DYE or hair STYLES? I could go on for days.
5. Tell us one fun thing you plan to do on Saturday.
Have a game night with really good friends that make me laugh. Just thinking about it now makes me tear up b/c OH MY GOD do I need a night like that.
1. My current dude situation because it makes me feel awkward and embaressed to talk about, and because I’m in my 30′s and am still having (a la Liz Lemon) “dude situations”.
2. I love snoopy, he’s fun and decorates a hell of a dog house at christmas time.
3. On the bus I saw a girl wearing a bikini she made from monopoly money and her boyfriend had a suit on with name tag that said “Ben Bernanke”. Topical and slutty, the perfect city halloween custume.
4. 7th grade, I got a perm and looked like a poodle for 6 months.
5. Make apple sauce and do laundry! :D That really is is fun for me.
Gen, YES! It was a date!