Sam Meets Santa. But First Santa Poops.

Events and conversations that actually occurred on our trip to see Santa today:

1. Sam insisted on wearing a Star Wars tshirt, a button down shirt over that, a tie, jeans and snow boots.  He also tried on a variety of hats before settling on a train conductor’s cap.  He was extremely proud of his selection.

dressed to impress.

2. On the car on the way to Macy’s Marshall Fields, we had the following discussion

Sam: Do you know Obama works with a guy named Predator?

Me: Um.  Do you mean senator?

Sam: Yes.  Senator.  Senators are pretty weird looking, huh?

Craig: Well.  Sometimes they’re pretty old.

Sam: Yeah.  And they wear a lot of neckties.

you have to look close, but there are predators lurking around everywhere. see em?

3. We also discussed which varieties of crying Santa would find acceptable.  Craig and I were persistent in our efforts to let Sam know that not all crying was considered naughty behavior.  Like, say for instance a child were to find that his his top eyelashes were stuck under his bottom eyelid, and that child cried his ever-loving head off about it (as Sam had done that very morning), Santa would not punish said child.  However, if the same child were to cry because he received white milk instead of chocolate, Santa might be all “Hey kid, take a turn on the naughty list.”  Sam was unconvinced.  He felt that even crying out in pain could result in a giftless Christmas morning.  I explained that sometimes I get so happy I cry, and that I’m sure Santa wouldn’t punish me for that indiscretion.  Sam, who was freaked by this bit of information quickly summed up by saying, “Mom, the song says ‘You better not cry’ so I think that means you better not ever cry.”  Apparently, when it comes to Santa’s rules, Sam feels it’s best to err on the side of caution.  I won’t argue with him on it.

4. We took the elevator to Santa’s Village and inexplicably ended up in the lingerie section.

Sam: Do you know what I think these smell like?  (Holding up teeny blue lace thong)

Craig: No, what?

Sam: CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!

Craig: I think so too, Sam.

they are looking for her lacy blue thong, which smells of christmas.

5. Sam had two questions for Santa.  He wanted to know what he sees when he goes down chimneys and why his suit is red.  Before we could get in, he conducted a dry run of his interview with Santa’s elf.  The elf was very patient and answered his questions (poorly), but then awkwardly blurted out to us”Sorry this is taking so long.  Santa had to take a poopy.”

oh god. what's that smell?

6. Henry came too.  Have I mentioned that yet?  Well, he did.  And he thought Santa was a freak of nature.  Because Santa had a beard.  How dare he?

7. Santa told Sam a secret.  Sam is keeping the secret.

I will be posting the official photos when you least expect it.